kristin has been a bad kristin
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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