I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
