i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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