Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
