just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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