Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
