Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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