The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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