I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
