haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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