I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
