I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
