Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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