The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
