see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
