we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
