he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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