he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
