Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
