Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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