he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
