I will die if light touches me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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