I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
