Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
