theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
