Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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