U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
