ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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