I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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