If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
