just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
