Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
