It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
