It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
