i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
