it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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