dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want her autograph on my taint
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
