i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
