this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
