Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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