From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
