I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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