love makes seman taste better
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
