A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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