I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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