I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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