Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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