Banned from zoo.
Again?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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