I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
