i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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