Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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