I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
