Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
