wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
