so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
