I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
