fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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