i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
