You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
