yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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