I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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