32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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