sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
