I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
