At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my liver is dry heaving
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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