i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
party gras won. party gras always wins.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
