i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
