i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
