Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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