I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
