I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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