new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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