New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
