When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize