okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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