So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
