well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
