I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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