Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
